There is a lot of truth in your spouse being your best friend and fortunately for me I’ve married mine. I’m totally speaking for myself here but I knew that I had found ‘my person’ when we started dating, we were already good friends (we worked at the same place) and I didn’t see a future without Phil in it, I’d just turned 20. We understand each other on many levels and have a shared sense of humour and quick wit, our ability to laugh at ourselves & not take ourselves too seriously is something we both defiantly recognised about each other (he used to wined me up but I would do the same to him) we both have thick skins.
Not that I had an ideal guy ‘check list’ or anything, but…
Sense of humour (BIG Tick).
Parents came from Jamaica (tick).
Come from large ‘ish’ families (tick).
Wanted to travel (tick).
Adventurous & willing to try new things (BIG Tick).
Had an acknowledgement of Jesus (Triple BIG Tick).
I knew that an opportunity to be in a relationship with a guy with these and other things in common with me was rare, besides Phil is so handsome with a quality about him that I hadn’t come across in other guys I’d studied or worked with and years later still haven’t so, you know when you know it’s right for you… I know I wasn’t going anywhere.
I deeply cared for him before we were dating, he has an intensity about him that I really couldn’t say no to, so Loving him was the natural progression for me.
Fast forward, Phil and I have been together for 29 years in total baptised for 27 years & married for nearly 26 years we have 6 beautiful children. We have been there for each other physically emotionally & more importantly spiritual. There are so many things I could highlight that I have learned from Mr G.
He is a natural leader, teacher, good listener, gives good advice, reliable, very intelligent, good memory,very balanced view, direct, trustworthy,quick to forgive,humble, defiantly studies people and counselling has followed him since he was a teen.
I have observed him display all of the aforementioned in our early years of dating some developing over the years like a mature wine, better with age Lol, his a very gifted man. He encourages and challenges me to do better at whatever I put my mind to, to be confident and believe in my abilities be bold and speak up for myself in areas of my life that needed it as well as being introspective and helped me to realise I was a bit shallow in my twenties and needed to develop my emotional and spiritual quotient which has made a big difference to my life. Jesus has used him to open not just my eyes but, others to how we can serve in the kingdom of God.
I Love Mr G and I know that he and our children have enriched my life, they are truly a blessing to me. The Lord has shown us over the years to share our blessings with others and as we knew first hand that ‘marriages’ are under attack and the family unit is also under attack both on a spiritual and natural level. We knew our 25 years of experiences were not for ourselves we needed to help other couples who want help and we also knew we were single before so could also help there too, which is one of the reasons why you are reading this post on FSAC a vision and ministry Phil and I are passionate about and although Mr G walks in his writing gift so very beautifully on this blog, I prefer to talk than write (but I’ll be back again I’m sure). In order for us to help others we will share our experiences, nobody does it better.
What we have realised over the years is some people don’t understand (or just don’t want too) that Jesus put us together and we chose to stay together… it’s our choice.
We are prisoner’s of Jesus Christ (like the Apostle Paul) ‘not’ prisoner’s in this marriage, why do haters think married couples with kids are only together because of the kids?? Why do haters thinks once the kids are grown they will split?? Why do haters sniff around married couples waiting to take advantaged?? What manner of messed up mind set is that anyway, Why can’t ‘people’ just be happy for married couples and hope things work out for the couple and the family they have??
In our time together we have witnessed this ‘negativity’ first hand from females that think they are a ‘better fit’ for my husband than I am, I will briefly share this one with you.
The ‘hater females’, I know that you might not agree with me and that’s fine, you don’t have to I’m just going to share this anyway…
Females that suffer from sub-spouse syndrome: what do I mean by that… let me explain, for the married man with NO hidden agenda (AKA not looking for a sister wife) the female friend is correctly in the friend zone where she belongs. As a friend of a married man the female friend (If she is genuine & respectful) should have NO problem with the friend zone, I would like to think ‘you’ would agree with that. However, females with sub-spouse syndrome: talk a good talk but there actions speak volumes, with them what’s in darkness will come to light and they are not respectful.
She is either over friendly to the wife to be closer to the husband or rarely acknowledges the wife when mentioned by the husband.
Will try to monopolize more of his time & want exclusivity.
Would go so far as to ask the husband why he needs to share the conversations that they have with his wife (can’t it be between us).
Wants to be treated like her opinion is on the same level as the wife.
Will share what they feel they couldn’t deal with concerning the husbands personality and want to try and change him.
All of the above are just some of what has happened to us over the years in person & online. At the end of the day we all have an ability to discern situations and people but we don’t all use it… However, when you or both of you are believers in Jesus and invite Him into your marriage, He will show you who people really are, He has your back. In my opinion, they show that they are disrespectful as well as hypocritical, because they wouldn’t want a female to sub-spouse the man they are married to, I could go on but I wont (maybe next time). In a relationship you have to trust that your spouse is having right conversations/ communication whether online (SM), text, calls and face to face, don’t let doubt get into your mind, if you have a gut feeling that something isn’t right, you have to find away to talk about your concerns. Phil & I talk and listen to each other (we developed this over the early years), we don’t believe that secret conversations/ communication with other males or females is right, if he or she want to talk on anything to do with inappropriate feelings they have for you, criticize your spouse or marriage for example you need to shut that nonsense down and let your spouse know asap. Know this, it is in the secrets that are kept from your spouse that are the avenues to affairs within a marriage.
Remember,with a multi faceted man it is possible to think you know them completely but that’s the difference between a friend & spouse, I’m still peeling back the Lovely layers and so far I’m liking what I see. There is much work that has been placed on our heart to do for The Lord we are Team Jesus I am Phil’s help mate and that’s why his married to the person that can handle everything that comes with this ministry we will face it together we truly are better & I will do whatever Jesus tells me to do. Amen
Jesus has bought us too far to mess up now, His done too much for me to step outside of the ‘Proverbs 31’ women He created me to be for my husband and children, to let haters think they have some kind of victory over our lives… ‘God forbid’.
We fireproof our marriage through honest conversations and most importantly prayer & fasting.
Thanks for reading & I hope this helps you a little.